The struggles of being a little lady and more

This is quite a personal blog entry but it's just something I want to write as a prequel post. This post is about insecurities because I hope you will also be able to relate to it and maybe it will help with any issues you are currently facing.

Ever since my 16th birthday I do not think I have grown a single inch, leaving me at a petite 5"1 height. 

I hated being small and I always had confidence issues to do with the way I looked, including my height. As I went off university a lot of small and rather big incidences shaped the way I thought of myself both positive and negative. Let's say it was a big learning curve and talk about all my dirty little secrets another time. 

My semester abroad was what really changed me. I began to become really comfortable with the way I looked. I learnt that it wasn't healthy to be put down by a funny look that a guy gave me and automatically assume it was because he thought I was short and funny looking. 

I shouldn't have based my confidence on how other people reacted to me, because it was my confidence. I should have more control over it. It was wrong to have all my self-esteem build upon what others thought. Worst of all, it probably wasn't even what other people thought, it was my assumption that they would judge me when in reality no one gives a flying fuck. 

When you are living in another country, you have no real wider friends circle therefore you stop caring what people will think of you, because you know that it is temporary and you will be out of there soon. The approach taken by me was, "so what! I'm only here for 6 months, like I give a shit if I tripped and fell off my bike. So what I'm 5"1 and shorter than my friends. Who cares? I don't really know anyone here." 

I made new friends but it was based on this outlook, therefore I didn't care if they liked me for what I was because I was only there for a few months. The friends I made became great friends. It was this attitude that I decided to keep once I came back from my semester abroad, 

I slowly came out of my shell in the exchange programme and grew as a person. Height does not define me, nor do my looks. It's okay to be the smallest person in the room! I shouldn't have to get comfort from others being smaller than me 

There are more important things, and being petite can be great! You feel a more dainty and cute. You can also get away with shorter skirts. 

Sorry for the rather long blog post, I shall try to make it less emosh and gushy next time bros. 

À bientôt, j'espère. 

Leaving

My life has taken some pretty alarming turns since I last posted on this blog. If I remember correctly, I was mopey over a relationship that clearly wasn't meant to be but oh wow have things changed. I finally got the guy who I've been pining after since October (since the first time I met him, how cheesy), a guy who treats me so well, who's lovely and better than anything I could have imagined, and what timing too. About a month after we got together it turned out I had to leave because I was doing a semester abroad. I rarely fall for many men as hard as I've fallen for Pug (let's call The Boy that shall we?), which made leaving so much harder.

We've agreed to carry things on while I'm in the Netherlands studying at the University of Maastricht but boy does it suck.

I won't lie to you, I hated leaving. I didn't think I would be as emotional or regretful but I was a mess on the last day. Tears, hating every second of saying goodbye, more tears, lots of awkward silences as I'm not the best person when it comes to saying the right thing. God I loathed it. It seemed more like a final goodbye because the chances were, after this semester I might go on a placement year and my best friends will have graduated by then. As will have Pug, who is currently in his final year.

I don't dare to think how much I'll hate to say goodbye to my mother who might not be able to come and see me off.

I suppose goodbyes are always hard when you know that there's a possibility that you will never return to that same place in your life again. My heart breaks as I think of all the nights I will never spend getting beers in a pub with the friends I once made, or never spending another evening lazing around in someone's room, talking about all the people we hate and how unfair life is. As Hugh Laurie once said:

“It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.”"

Maybe this is true. I know I've never been one to worry about being ready before, I tend to go with the flow but once you have something that is worth staying for, I suppose being ready is required. 

How to get over someone

Hey there broken-hearted babes,

Well, I kind of assume that it'd mostly be those who have just gotten out of a relationship reading this because truth be told it was what I spent hours googling the day after I ended things with a guy. On a side-note, how very odd that in this generation we turn to the internet for advice about nearly everything?

Even though in my heart of hearts I knew it was for the best that things stopped, I still found it a little hard to not call him and tell him I changed my mind and wanted him back.

Maybe my situation is a little different and complicated but I still thought I'd write something to help if I can.

Here's the scoop, you might not stop wanting to get back together for a while but give it time and you'll realize that everyday you want him/her less. You've just got to convince yourself how this was the right decision! Things ended for a reason and if you go back there things will be different. You probably will never be able to go back to how you were before and that's a fact.

Only time heals all wounds. Maybe not physically but mentally.

 Do not under any circumstances follow the saying that to get over somebody you need to get under somebody else because you'll know when you're ready! Right now all you want to do is talk about how things went wrong and you just want someone to tell you that things will be alright. Do not mistake this need for a need for a new boy/girl.

That's about all I can think of at the moment.

Remember: stay strong, don't go back there unless you really think it can work out! There'll be other men/women, but until then you've got a cornershop that sells ice cream nearby haven't you?