Belief

Oddly enough I've been thinking about a higher power of some sort a lot recently; odd because this is never a topic I like to dwell into a lot. It leads to a nasty spiral in my twisted mind where I go from belief to the meaning of life to inevitably ending up at a point where I begin to wonder about my existence on earth and how indescribably insignificant the impact of my existence has been. Although may I add, not in a suicidal way, just in a 'losing all hope, why am I even doing anything when I will amount to doing nothing in the eyes of the world' manner. We all have our moments.

Whilst I am a follower of the Jain way of life, I find that religion makes me feel guilty. Religion makes a lot of people feel guilty. Maybe that's the ultimate role of religion and even the idea of a higher existence...to make you feel conscious about your actions and thoughts. Don't get me wrong, that's not a bad in any way because more often than not I have recently been feeling that I need to be reminded about my morals. Morals keep me grounded, and personally my morals are the strongest when I am around my parents who often remind me of right and wrong.

Here is what I have concluded over my summer of being mostly isolated of all decent company (no, my parents and little brother do not count). The thing is about being so withdrawn is that you begin to think a lot more. People's thoughts affect you a lot less and frankly after my numerous incidences in the past year, which I shall not get into, it is just what I need.

Sorry, I've just gone off topic. I believe. That is what I have concluded. I think everyone needs a bit of belief in their life. Everyone needs a higher power to look up to when life does not turn out how you expect it to. Belief in that higher power, whether it is science or God, is what keeps us going in our times of hardship. Even thought you do not realize it, religion becomes a part of you.

It is good that religion makes you feel conscious of your actions. Of course I am not referring to extremism, or supporting homophobia. I am talking about how a higher power can make you a better person because you want to do more good. And I hate it when people are so adamantly against religion because surely anything that often provokes a person to change for the better and do good in the world is something to support. A higher power is something which I cannot avoid. There must be something greater than the human race out there which controls the fate of our actions. A puppeteer to the puppets would be a cynical way to look at this. But you get what I mean. I don't know if it is Allah, or God or simply an invisible force which has no consciousness. I just know that the universe is big and ever expanding, and there has to be something out there.

I think that belief in anything is brilliant. My crisis now is what I believe in.