Leaving

My life has taken some pretty alarming turns since I last posted on this blog. If I remember correctly, I was mopey over a relationship that clearly wasn't meant to be but oh wow have things changed. I finally got the guy who I've been pining after since October (since the first time I met him, how cheesy), a guy who treats me so well, who's lovely and better than anything I could have imagined, and what timing too. About a month after we got together it turned out I had to leave because I was doing a semester abroad. I rarely fall for many men as hard as I've fallen for Pug (let's call The Boy that shall we?), which made leaving so much harder.

We've agreed to carry things on while I'm in the Netherlands studying at the University of Maastricht but boy does it suck.

I won't lie to you, I hated leaving. I didn't think I would be as emotional or regretful but I was a mess on the last day. Tears, hating every second of saying goodbye, more tears, lots of awkward silences as I'm not the best person when it comes to saying the right thing. God I loathed it. It seemed more like a final goodbye because the chances were, after this semester I might go on a placement year and my best friends will have graduated by then. As will have Pug, who is currently in his final year.

I don't dare to think how much I'll hate to say goodbye to my mother who might not be able to come and see me off.

I suppose goodbyes are always hard when you know that there's a possibility that you will never return to that same place in your life again. My heart breaks as I think of all the nights I will never spend getting beers in a pub with the friends I once made, or never spending another evening lazing around in someone's room, talking about all the people we hate and how unfair life is. As Hugh Laurie once said:

“It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.”"

Maybe this is true. I know I've never been one to worry about being ready before, I tend to go with the flow but once you have something that is worth staying for, I suppose being ready is required.