Belief

Oddly enough I've been thinking about a higher power of some sort a lot recently; odd because this is never a topic I like to dwell into a lot. It leads to a nasty spiral in my twisted mind where I go from belief to the meaning of life to inevitably ending up at a point where I begin to wonder about my existence on earth and how indescribably insignificant the impact of my existence has been. Although may I add, not in a suicidal way, just in a 'losing all hope, why am I even doing anything when I will amount to doing nothing in the eyes of the world' manner. We all have our moments.

Whilst I am a follower of the Jain way of life, I find that religion makes me feel guilty. Religion makes a lot of people feel guilty. Maybe that's the ultimate role of religion and even the idea of a higher existence...to make you feel conscious about your actions and thoughts. Don't get me wrong, that's not a bad in any way because more often than not I have recently been feeling that I need to be reminded about my morals. Morals keep me grounded, and personally my morals are the strongest when I am around my parents who often remind me of right and wrong.

Here is what I have concluded over my summer of being mostly isolated of all decent company (no, my parents and little brother do not count). The thing is about being so withdrawn is that you begin to think a lot more. People's thoughts affect you a lot less and frankly after my numerous incidences in the past year, which I shall not get into, it is just what I need.

Sorry, I've just gone off topic. I believe. That is what I have concluded. I think everyone needs a bit of belief in their life. Everyone needs a higher power to look up to when life does not turn out how you expect it to. Belief in that higher power, whether it is science or God, is what keeps us going in our times of hardship. Even thought you do not realize it, religion becomes a part of you.

It is good that religion makes you feel conscious of your actions. Of course I am not referring to extremism, or supporting homophobia. I am talking about how a higher power can make you a better person because you want to do more good. And I hate it when people are so adamantly against religion because surely anything that often provokes a person to change for the better and do good in the world is something to support. A higher power is something which I cannot avoid. There must be something greater than the human race out there which controls the fate of our actions. A puppeteer to the puppets would be a cynical way to look at this. But you get what I mean. I don't know if it is Allah, or God or simply an invisible force which has no consciousness. I just know that the universe is big and ever expanding, and there has to be something out there.

I think that belief in anything is brilliant. My crisis now is what I believe in. 

Is marriage a form of prostitution?

So today I want to talk about marriage.

Not high on my set of goals in life, but then again being a 19 year old university student miserably failing her French modules probably really affects my opinion.

Nevertheless, it's a matter that's been on my mind since a cousin of mine recently got engaged, the feminist lecture I sat in on last month and then hearing the phrase "marriage is a form of prostitution". So let me get out my thoughts on this wonderful blog of mine and avoid learning French conjugation eh?

The definition of prostitution according to oxforddictionaries.com is "the unworthy or corrupt use of one's talents for personal or financial gain". It can apply to marriage in many ways, for example if you have no sustainable income of your own, maybe your husband is just a tool used for financial forms and your relationship consists of using your talents as a housewife, or cook to keep your husband happy and have access to his funds. But in my opinion it's all about mental respect. If your husband/wife respects you and treats you as their equal there isn't anything "unworthy or corrupt" about your talents. And surely you aren't gaining anything out of it either because marriage should not be about financial gains but it can often come down to it.

I'm confusing myself a little here. What I'm saying is that a form of prostitution in marriage can only exist if you allow yourself to be unequal to your partner regardless of if you're male or female. To a certain point I agree with this statement, because everywhere around me all I see is marriage as a dead end without and escape route. People are stuck in it because of financial reasons, or because of emotional ones (i.e. children). I guess I just have to see more successful marriages built on love that seems to last (that last bit made my insides cringe a little), on mutual agreements and respect.

Maybe after thinking about this I'm not all opposed to marriage. Marriages shouldn't have a hierarchy but that often tends to be the case and sadly it often seems to work out. I guess a marriage is really what you make of it. I am the quietly stubborn kind of person who wouldn't be satisfied if I didn't get the respect I deserved and be infuriated if I wasn't an equal in any sort of personal relationship. So if marriage really is a "form of prostitution" it isn't for me and all those other individuals who have the same views as me.

Just some thoughts from a hesitant borderline feminist. Feel free to agree/disagree in the comments section (if I've got one!)

À bientôt.